Let’s Be Honest

Paul Jonna, Acting Editor in Chief

Empathy is hard. It forces you to question your beliefs in order to understand another viewpoint. This doesn’t mean that you must change your viewpoint; it only allows you to understand the driving force of the other. Let’s be honest, isn’t that scary?

As a country and as a people, we are striving to determine who we are and what we stand for. The days in which cordial conversation about differing opinions occur are gone. Politics now determine how we feel about every topic. The lack of empathy for one’s position is causing the breakdown of our country but more importantly, the breakdown of our most intimate relationships. Let’s be clear, the issues in our country are present in our daily lives. This is more than an economic issue, more than a political issue. It is a breakdown of community and communication along with empathy for what another is feeling.

Let’s be clear, a person’s feeling must be validated regardless of the logic or truth behind such feeling. We cannot help what we feel, only how we react. Feelings aren’t “correct” or “appropriate.” Many people feel that they are not accepted, or children feel they will never live up to their parents’ expectations. They may not even know why they feel that way – they just do.

I am reminded of an Oprah (yes, l watched for a season while studying for the bar exam) episode in which she said that every person she interviewed had one thing in common – a need to be validated. We all want to be understood and to be accepted for our beliefs. We want to be heard. Why is it so hard to admit that a breach of trust is wrong, or a murder is wrong regardless if the person is wearing a bandana or a badge or is a Democrat or Republican? Is it possible to be socially liberal while fiscally conservative?

Let’s be honest, if we truly listen to our kids, our friends, our spouses, even our ‘haters,’ then we will be able to understand their viewpoint. This is not to say that you must agree with it — only that you hear why they feel a certain way. Understanding brings empathy. Without such empathy, we find ourselves in toxic relationships or blind to deeper relationships in which we can learn and better ourselves.

Let’s be honest, if you are not open to another perspective, how will your child, spouse, friend, co-worker feel that they can confide in you? You don’t have to agree with them — you only have to be available to understand how they feel. Let’s be honest, isn’t that what you want? Just to be heard, to be understood, for someone to listen.

Many will say that the break down in discord comes from the deterioration of the nuclear family, but maybe it is the deterioration of communication and empathy to understand each other that causes such break down. It is my hope that we as a human race have the courage and the strength to be honest and acknowledge what must be changed. We won’t make it otherwise.

With Gratitude,
Paul Jonna
Acting Editor in Chief