A Lesson in Giving
By Sarah Kittle
In today’s world of constant consumerism, it can be challenging to teach children the value of giving. It is an extremely important to lesson to teach, however; the feeling you get when you gift something truly thoughtful and appreciated transcends the satisfaction of receiving and may change a person’s whole outlook on the season and the reason for giving.
Young children need help in learning to share. It is not always inherent to hand over something you want for yourself. Starting as young as one, you can teach children how to share small things like cookies or toys. It’s wonderful to see the seeds of generosity sprout in a little one, and the harvest is often plentiful, as anyone who has every accepted a half-eaten treat from a toddler can attest.
Small children usually don’t have money, and that’s okay! Teaching them that gifting doesn’t mean buying is one of the most important lessons of giving. Spending time with grandparents or helping a sibling with a task are gifts, too.
Once they’ve mastered that lesson, the opportunities for giving are endless and gifts can be personalized to their particular tastes and interests. For example, take an 8-year-old that loves animals to the local animal shelter with some cat and dog toys and watch what happens. It’s magical.
Giving gives children a sense of self-esteem, pride, and an awareness of others that makes them less self-centered. It’s addictive, too. The gift of giving makes them realize how much their actions matter to others, and consequently, how much they matter to others. It becomes easier and easier to give, and the things they value come into clearer focus.
Despite little people’s, “me, me, ME!” attitude, there is scientific evidence that suggests that children have a deeply rooted instinct to share and help others. One study at the University of British Columbia in 2012 found that children may not need much encouragement to be kind and that the happiest test subjects were those toddlers that shared their own personal items, requiring personal sacrifice in giving. More recent studies indicate that rewarding kids for showing kindness may actually undermine their natural instinct to give. Note: acknowledgement and reward are two different things.
So how can we nurture that instinct? It’s no surprise that modeling kindness is the number one way to raise kind adults. Kindness is contagious; open a door for someone or help them with groceries and those who witness your act are a hundred times more likely to act kindly, too. Often, we keep our charitable gift giving private, thinking it is boasting to share that fact with others; however, children benefit from knowing what you value, and what you are willing to support.
Make it personal. When researchers offered either a box to put candy in collectively or individual bags with the donor children’s names on them, they found the individual, personalized bags were more than twice as likely to be the receptacle for donations. Feeling a personal responsibility made the test subjects more generous.
Keep it positive. Messaging about giving should always be framed in a positive way. Generosity that is coerced by threats or pleading just doesn’t stick. True generosity comes from a different place – one of empathy and compassion.
Compassion is a gift – a way of giving time, attention, and energy. The gift of time can be simultaneously the easiest and the hardest gift to give.
Focus on the Family says that “sometimes we can best ‘model’ generosity by simply getting out of the way. Not all our children’s generous whims are practical, and sometimes it’s tempting to dissuade them with comments like, ‘That’s a nice idea, but I think Grandpa would rather you kept your hard-earned money.’
“But do we have the right to deny our child a chance to learn that God can use them to bless others? Let your child act on generous impulses when you can, even if their ideas might seem a little quixotic. There’ll be lots of time to channel your child’s generosity in more pragmatic directions as they mature. It’s much easier to redirect a generous spirit than to resurrect one.”
They also encourage asking empathy questions such as “How would it feel to go to bed hungry every night?” or “How would it feel to get nothing for Christmas?” This helps children who may not know what “poor” means or what it looks like feel empathy.
World Vision is just one example of a charitable organization that shows in detail what is needed and who the recipients are through their pamphlets. Together with your child, you can purchase a goat and two chickens or three ducks for a family in Indonesia and teach them how those gifts will support that family for years to come. As a family, you could get involved in mission work and expose your children to different cultures.
You can start a family giving tradition, like sending thoughtful cards to friends or family members you might not see this holiday season or sending a care package to someone overseas in the military or on a mission trip.
Perhaps the most important lesson to teach your child is the gift of friendship. Ask them, “Is there anyone at school who could really use a friend?” Maybe a classmate has been picked on or isolated from the other kids on the playground. Many lifelong friendships have resulted from one child who had empathy for another and took action to include them or befriend them.
St. Paul’s Chaldean Catholic Church talks about giving on their website: “We give because of love. We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19). Giving is an act of love.
In these days of instant gratification where every photo has to be Instagram-worthy, let’s slow down, live in the moment, and teach our children the boundless joy of giving. It’s the gift that will continue to bless them the rest of their lives.